There's an Alien in My Backpack Page 7

  He went to the control panel and began to manipulate the dials, buttons, levers, and touchpads. Before long the Heal-a-tron was humming and buzzing. The Fatherly One continued making adjustments, but after a little while he began to mutter to himself. He looked puzzled, then distressed, and finally angry.

  “The Heal-a-tron says there is nothing wrong with this boy!”

  “Nothing that a good laugh couldn’t cure!” cried Beebo, sitting up on the table and smiling.

  We looked at him in astonishment. His skin had returned to its normal bright orange. His eyes were wide and sparkling. He seemed the picture of health.

  “Was this all a joke?” I asked in horror.

  Beebo’s face got very serious. “Not quite,” he said. “Actually, it was more like a test.”

  With that, he pushed a button on his waistband.

  “What did you just do?” asked the Fatherly One.

  “I have summoned my mentor,” said Beebo. “Yeeble is a member of the Inspection Team visiting your embassy and will be here in just a minute.”

  A sick silence fell over the room.

  I couldn’t bring myself to look at the Fatherly One. I couldn’t stand to think about what we had done to him.

  CHAPTER 18 [PLESKIT]

  FINAL EXAM

  When Sookutan Krimble appeared in the doorway of the medical room, I felt sad and weary. Tim and I had tried so hard to do the right thing, tried hard to do it in a way that would not harm anyone, and we had failed. No, worse than failed. We had been betrayed by the very being we were trying to help. It was all I could do to keep from lunging at Beebo and doing something… unpleasant.

  The Fatherly One would not look at me. I could not tell if it was because he was too angry with me or because he was trying so hard to contain his own emotions.

  Frek Krimble stepped into the healing room and gestured for the door to close.

  “Well, Meenom,” yeeble said. “It appears you and your childling are not quite as rigidly upstanding as you like to appear.”

  Now the Fatherly One did look at me, but I could not read his expression. Then he turned back to Sookutan Krimble and said simply, “We did what we thought was right.”

  I don’t think I have ever been more pleased or proud to be his childling.

  Sookutan Krimble smiled. “I was wondering how you would respond to our little test. You are softer than you like to pretend.”

  The Fatherly One pulled himself up and straightened his shoulders. “So this was all arranged as a trap, is that it? All right, we may as well go tell the others of my failure. I am sure rival Traders all across the galaxy will be celebrating when this news is released.”

  “You misunderstand me,” said Frek Krimble, smiling gently. “You did not fail. Quite the opposite. As far as I am concerned, you did exactly the right thing.”

  “I still do not understand,” said the Fatherly One.

  Sookutan Krimble put yeeble’s hands on the Fatherly One’s shoulders. “Not all of us believe that the ferocity of the Federation when it comes to dealing with nonmember planets is wise or just. Some of us are working to make the peace that sweeps the stars even sweeter and more widespread. You can think of me as part of the in-house resistance. We are, of necessity, working in secret right now. But there are more of us than you might expect, and we are good friends to have. Before I made my report, I wanted to know what kind of being you are, Meenom—what kind of Trader was in line to control such a fantastic resource as the Grand Urpelli. That was why I asked my kribbl-pam”—here yeeble gestured to Beebo—“to help me conduct a test.”

  “What’s a kribbl-pam?” I asked.

  “Beebo and I are part of the same family unit,” said Sookutan Krimble.

  “So your planet is not non-Federation!” I said to Beebo accusingly.

  “I made that part up,” he said, grinning broadly. “But most of the rest of what I said was true. I really do have to make field trips, and study humor, and things like that.”

  “How can you two be related?” asked Tim, looking back and forth from Beebo to Sookutan Krimble. “You don’t even look like you’re part of the same species.”

  This made Beebo laugh uproariously.

  “Our biology is at the complicated end of the life scale,” said Sookutan Krimble, smiling. “On Roogbat it takes several different life-forms to make a family unit. Beebo and I come from different yet closely related species.” Yeeble rolled yeeble’s eyes slightly and added, “Obviously, Beebo’s species is far sillier than mine. Yet for this reason we value them greatly. They bring considerable joy to our planet.”

  “Silly is good!” said Beebo, standing on the table and spreading his arms as if he could embrace the entire world. “Laughter is a virtue! And cuteness is a very useful tool for surviving in the world!”

  I figured this must be true, since his cuteness was probably the only thing that kept me from killing him for what he had put us through.

  Sookutan Krimble sighed. “It would actually have been a better test if my kribbl-pam were not so infernally cute. But you have to work with what you have available.”

  Yeeble turned to the Fatherly One. “Deep currents are flowing through the politics of the Trading Federation, and things are more complicated than you may have realized, Meenom. Someday I may come to you for help in our struggle to make things better. For now you have my help and my guarantee that you will pass this inspection with flying colors. You also have my admiration for your compassion and wisdom. May the blessings of peace and wealth flow to you, your family, and the planet that is under your protection.”

  CHAPTER 19 [TIM]

  TOKENS FROM THE STARS

  I can’t say I was entirely sorry to see Beebo go. He left separately from Sookutan Krimble, of course, since it would have ruined everything if the rest of the Inspection Team had found out about him. I don’t think Meenom really felt at ease until Beebo was off the planet altogether.

  He left behind the body suit he had been wearing when I first met him. I still have it in my closet. It’s a little spooky, since it looks so real.

  “What am I going to do with it?” he said when he asked if I wanted it. “It’s not like I can use it to fit in anywhere else.”

  “I suppose it was never really broken,” I said, trying not to sound bitter about the way he had deceived us.

  “Actually, it was and still is,” said Beebo. “I truly was terrified when that happened, even though I knew my mentor would be arriving soon. Our plan had always been to see if Pleskit and Meenom would offer shelter to an illegal alien. But we didn’t know if they would or not, and I was supposed to have my body suit for protection if I needed it.”

  Late that night Mom and I drove the little guy to a spot ten or fifteen miles outside Syracuse where he had stashed his space scooter in an abandoned barn. To keep from being noticed, we put him in an old baby suit of mine that Mom had saved, and strapped him into a car seat we borrowed from our downstairs neighbors.

  As we drew close to the spot where he had stowed the scooter, Beebo said, “I left a small packet of my favorite tricks and puzzles on your dresser for you, Tim. Sort of a thank-you present for helping me. I even made a translation of the instructions. I think you will have fun with them.”

  “He’ll probably blow himself up,” said Mom.

  “Oh, I don’t think so,” said Beebo. “Fewer than half of them are potentially lethal.”

  “Beebo!” cried Mom, putting on the brakes.

  Beebo burst out laughing. “Got you, Mrs. Tompkins!”

  “I’d rate that as a one,” growled Mom. “At best.” But I could see a smile tugging at both corners of her mouth. So I guess it really does pay to be cute.

  * * *

  When we got back to the apartment, we found that Beebo had left behind more than his body suit and the packet of tricks. (Which looked totally cool, and which I am planning to have a lot of fun with, I can tell you. I’m already trying to figure out some way to give Jordan
the Fizzy Fart Bomb.)

  Beebo had also left his diary.

  “I guess kids are forgetful all over the galaxy,” said Mom when I showed it to her. She sounded half-amused, half-disgusted.

  I took the little book from her hands. “Too bad we can’t read it,” I said.

  When she didn’t answer, I glanced up at her. She looked disturbed.

  “What’s the matter, Mom?”

  “Oh, just a thought I had. My father used to say that when people leave something behind, it’s because they want an excuse to come back.”

  “Now, there’s a scary idea!”

  Mom nodded. “I quite agree. Come on, let’s—”

  She was interrupted by the doorbell.

  “You don’t suppose it’s Beebo, do you?” I asked nervously.

  She took a deep breath. “We’d better go see.”

  It wasn’t. In fact, there was no one there at all. But on the floor, where someone had slid it under the door, was a postcard.

  It was a picture of an alien landscape, beautiful but bizarre.

  I turned the card over.

  The message on the back was simple:

  CHAPTER 20 [PLESKIT]

  A LETTER HOME

  FROM: Pleskit Meenom, on the occasionally amusing Planet Earth

  TO: Maktel Geebrit, on the distant but beloved Planet Hevi-Hevi

  Dear Maktel:

  I thought you might enjoy seeing these notes that Tim and I made about our latest adventure, especially since you and Tim have become friends, sort of.

  Now that the situation is finished, we can laugh about it, and laughter is a very good thing. But we had some pretty tense moments while it was all going on. I have to tell you, sometimes trying to figure out what’s right, good, honorable—well, it can make your brain hurt.

  The Fatherly One and I still have a tense matter hanging over us here in the embassy—namely, the question of whether there is a traitor on the staff. I have discussed the matter with the Grandfatherly One, but he has no clues as to who it might be. And I dare not discuss it with anyone else. The Fatherly One has even ordered me not to discuss it with my bodyguard, which is most disturbing.

  I will be sure to keep you posted if anything comes up.

  The Fatherly One did do something else that was quite amazing: he apologized for getting so wound up in his work that he had been, in a way, twisted out of shape for a time.

  “I do not want to lose the Earth franchise,” he said. “But neither do I want to lose myself. I regret my threat to remove you from your school, Pleskit, and appreciate that you and Tim were able to see the right thing and do it.”

  So that was pretty cool (as the Earthlings like to say).

  Please give my regards to your Motherly One. I hope you have recovered from our adventures on Billa Kindikan!

  Fremmix Bleeblom!

  Your pal,

  Pleskit

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND ILLUSTRATOR

  Bruce Coville has published more than one hundred books, including My Teacher Is an Alien; Into the Land of the Unicorns; and Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher. He is a frequent speaker at schools and conferences, and has presented on five continents. He is also the founder and producing director of Full Cast Audio, an audiobook company that creates recordings of the best in children’s and young adult literature. He lives in Syracuse, New York, with his wife, author and illustrator Katherine Coville. Visit him online at BruceCoville.com.

  Glen Mullaly is an award-winning illustrator whose work can be found in books, magazines, greeting cards, and posters. He has also created puzzles and paper crafts for McDonald’s, and his Star Wars kids comics with legendary artist Ken Steacy have been released by Marvel Comics in graphic novel format. In addition to the Sixth- Grade Alien series, he also illustrated Bruce Coville’s My Teacher Is an Alien series. He lives on the West Coast with his wife and cat. Visit Glen at GlenMullaly.com and follow him on Facebook at glenmullalyillustration.

  ALADDIN

  Simon & Schuster, New York

  Visit us at simonandschuster.com/kids

  www.SimonandSchuster.com/Authors/Bruce-Coville

  www.SimonandSchuster.com/Authors/Glen-Mullaly

  More from this Series

  The Revolt of the…

  Book 10

  Aliens, Underwear, and…

  Book 11

  Farewell to Earth

  Book 12

  Sixth-Grade Alien

  Book 1

  More from the Author

  Goblins in the Castle

  Goblins on the Prowl

  DON’T MISS THE REST OF THE SIXTH-GRADE ALIEN SERIES!

  Sixth-Grade Alien

  I Shrank My Teacher

  Missing—One Brain!

  Lunch Swap Disaster

  Zombies of the Science Fair

  Class Pet Catastrophe

  Too Many Aliens

  Snatched from Earth

  There’s an Alien in My Backpack

  Coming Soon: The Revolt of the Miniature Mutants

  A GLOSSARY OF ALIEN TERMS

  Following are definitions for the alien words and phrases appearing for the first time in There’s an Alien in My Backpack. The number after a definition indicates the chapter where the word first appeared.

  Words used by Pleskit are usually of Hevi-Hevian origin. Words and phrases used by Beebo are sometimes Roogbattian, but are mostly Standard Galactic.

  For most words, we are only giving the spelling. In actual usage, of course, many Hevi-Hevian words would be accompanied by smells and/or body sounds.

  Definitions of other extraterrestrial words appearing in this book can be found in the volumes of the Sixth-Grade Alien series where they were first used.

  FEEZLEBORT:

  An herb found in the northern wampfields of Hevi-Hevi. Feezlebort can be brewed into a fizzy soft drink that has a delicious tangy taste, but paralyzes the tongue for about five minutes. For this reason parental units often encourage children to develop a taste for the drink, as it sometimes provides the only silence they can get in a day. (2)

  FEEZLE DEE-GOOPUS:

  This was originally an expression of relief, uttered in thanks by parental units who had just given their children some fizzling feezlebort and were experiencing the first silence of the day. Eventually it came to be used in any situation where one experiences sudden relief after a period of intense anxiety. (7)

  FREK:

  (plural: Frekki) Term of respect for the head of the combined Roogbattian family unit. Since a complete family includes six species and a total of seventeen different genders, being Frek can be a dangerous, tense, and emotionally difficult job requiring enormous organizational and diplomatic skills, not to mention great physical stamina. Frekki are often hired to run huge multiplanetary trading companies, since they consider the job fairly simple, and a pleasant relief from their home lives. (14)

  GLASPARAZNIK!:

  A cry of astonished horror, something like “Yikes!” but considerably stronger in meaning. The exclamation point is part of the standard spelling. (9)

  GLEEP DE REEPDEEP:

  An expression of embarrassment used when one makes a social faux pas, such as using the wrong table utensil for your soup, or accidentally using the fart of derision when you intended to emit the fart of compassion. (Such speech errors are commonly referred to as “butt blurps.”) Standard Galactic. (9)

  GRINDLEZARK:

  A hideous beast found in the southern wampfields of Hevi-Hevi. Though the grindlezark weighs several tons, it never attacks creatures anywhere near its own size, and is known for the way it likes to stalk small, helpless creatures and terrorize them before it eats them. If the grindlezark lived on Earth, its favorite meal would probably be baby bunnies. (2)

  IPSKY PEKOOBIES:

  A Roogbattian cry of delight, somewhat similar to “yippee” in meaning. (10)

  KRIBBL-PAM:

  Roogbattian term of relationship, indicating the third offspri
ng of a mating pair three degrees of species-hood away from either the Frek or the Frek’s spousal unit. The Roogbattian language has four thousand different terms of relationship, and most of the first two years of school are spent learning them. (18)

  PAZNAK:

  (plural: paznakki) Bizarre and dangerous life-form that originated on Peldrim Seven, but has spread through much of the galaxy by stowing away on trading ships. No bigger than a human hand, a paznak is often described as “a stomach with legs” and can eat seven to ten times its own body weight in a day. A group of paznakki can strip an entire field in a matter of hours. (3)

  SEEKL-FINGUS:

  Literally, “someone who trips over a grain of sand.” The expression is used, derisively, for anyone who is too worried about small details. (5)

  WIZZIK:

  (plural: Wizzikki) Wizzikki are small, round, hard-shelled insects. Children on Hevi-Hevi sometimes use dead wizzikki as pretend currency when they play Traders and Pirates and other money games. (7)

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  ALADDIN

  An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division

  1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020

  www.SimonandSchuster.com

  This Aladdin paperback edition October 2021

  Text copyright © 2000, 2021 by Bruce Coville

  Illustrations copyright © 2021 by Glen Mullaly

  Also available in an Aladdin hardcover edition.