I Left My Sneakers in Dimension X (9781439113240) Read online

  “Turned into a monster?” asked Madame Pong.

  “I see I need to fill you in on life in this part of Dimension X,” said the Ting Wongovia. “Aside from minor species like the chiblings, there are three types of sentient life here—the normals, the shapeshifters, and the monsters. The normals are not unlike most of the intelligent species in our own dimension. However, they are subject to something we in Dimension Q are not, namely Reality Quakes. Most of the quakes are frightening but relatively harmless. Under certain circumstances, though, their effects are permanent. Every once in a while one of the normals is caught in a Reality Quake and changed forever. When Smorkus Flinders was slightly beyond Rod’s level of maturity he was caught in the worst Reality Quake in living memory. It changed him from a fun-loving young man to the monstrosity that you know.

  “Like everyone so afflicted Smorkus Flinders was forced to leave his village and move to the Valley of the Monsters, a section of the planet set aside for the quake-victims. There he continued to grow. By the time he became a full adult his size had made him the complete master of that domain.

  “Unfortunately, the experience had changed him inside as well as outside. Bitter and angry at his transformation and the loss of his love partner, he turned his great intelligence toward destructive ends. For many years now he has been the scourge of this planet. His wrath has been directed especially toward the shapeshifters; he is jealous of them because they are immune to the Reality Quakes.”

  I glanced at Galuspa.

  “An evolutionary response,” he said, stretching out a pair of shoulders so that he could shrug. “If you can change your shape at will, a Reality Quake doesn’t make that much difference to you.”

  “Smorkus Flinders resented this immunity,” continued the Ting Wongovia. “And resented, too, knowing that in other dimensions Reality Quakes do not occur at all. I have a spy in Castle Chaos who informs me that for years Smorkus Flinders has been seeking a simple way to cross between the dimensions. It seemed like a pointless quest—no one thought he would ever succeed. Now that he has, the consequences may be horrendous.”

  “Why is that?” asked Madame Pong.

  “Because my spy informs me that our enemy has in mind a plan that will basically end life as we know it, not only on Earth, but possibly across all of Dimension Q. To put it bluntly, our entire universe is in peril.”

  Everyone shifted uneasily. I felt a knot of tension growing in my stomach, fear for my mother and the Things, for Aunt Grace and Uncle Roger, for Mickey and my friends—even for my father, wherever he was.

  “And this plan is?” prompted Madame Pong.

  The Ting Wongovia stood for the first time. “Smorkus Flinders wants to create a permanent opening between the two dimensions. If I am reading the signs correctly, this opening will be located in the field behind Rod’s house.”

  The knot in my stomach grew tighter.

  “You see it was no accident that BKR was living in Rod’s town,” continued the Ting Wongovia. “He and Smorkus Flinders were working together to create this gap between the dimensions, and I suspect that Smorkus Flinders’s research had shown him that the most likely place to make the bridge is in the place that Rod calls Seldom Seen. Nor is it an accident that this spot was on Rod’s planet. Earth is one of the major nexus points for the two dimensions, one of the places where they are most closely linked, and the barriers are weakest.”

  Turning to me, the Ting Wongovia said, “It is probable that Earth’s proximity to Dimension X, where Reality Quakes are such a problem, is one reason the people on your planet have such a slim grasp on reality. I suspect there is some kind of vibrational overlap that makes you all slightly crazy.”

  “That would explain a lot,” I murmured, trying to figure out whether the entire human race had just been insulted, or excused for its bad behavior.

  “Anyway,” continued the Ting Wongovia. “The immediate danger is to Rod’s planet. If Smorkus Flinders does manage to make a permanent opening the Reality Quakes will almost certainly leak over to Earth. Given the current state of the planet’s mental health, it is likely that everyone there will quickly go quite mad.”

  Not to mention occasionally turning into monsters, I thought.

  “But that is not the end of the danger. As you know, dimensions occupy the same space, but in different vibrational planes. Once the gate is opened, the convergence will spread, slowly at first but ever faster, until the two dimensions are completely meshed into a single universe where reality can shift like sand.”

  “Why would anyone do something that horrible?” cried Elspeth.

  The Ting Wongovia spread his hands. “For Smorkus Flinders, who is half mad, it is a kind of revenge, a way of lashing out at life for what it did to him. As for BKR—alas, I cannot begin to understand his motives.”

  “Pure nastiness,” said Grakker. “Even the fact that this will affect him as much as anyone else doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care what happens to him, as long as he is causing pain to others.”

  I remembered Madame Pong’s words when she was describing BKR’s cruelty: “Millions have wept.” I shivered. If this new plan succeeded, the number of those who wept would not be in the millions; it would be beyond counting.

  “We have to stop Smorkus Flinders,” said Grakker.

  “Clearly,” said the Ting Wongovia. “The question is: How? The shapeshifters have been trying for years, but he is too powerful for them.”

  “What about the normals?” asked Madame Pong.

  The Ting Wongovia shook his head. “Completely subdued.”

  “I shall arrest him in the name of the Galactic Patrol,” said Grakker.

  That’s what I liked best about the captain. He was so straightforward.

  The Ting Wongovia smiled gently. “Excellent suggestion, Captain Grakker. But the question remains: How?”

  Grakker scowled. “Help us get back to the monster’s castle. If we can regain our ship, we may be able to subdue him.”

  The Ting Wongovia raised an eyebrow. “You would put yourselves back in his grasp? From what I saw in Rod’s mind, he seems to have a special anger toward you, in particular, Captain. His vengeance if he catches you will be terrible indeed. Can you tell me why that is, by the way?”

  “That is classified information,” said Grakker, putting on his stubborn face.

  The Ting Wongovia nodded. “As you will. However, I would still like you to explain what good it will do you to regain your ship.”

  Grakker scowled, and I could tell he was trying to decide whether or not to trust the Ting Wongovia. Finally he answered the question with a question. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you in Dimension Q where you belong?”

  The Ting Wongovia smiled. “That is classified information,” he said gently.

  Grakker’s scowl deepened. Madame Pong stepped in. “Our first step would probably be to return to Dimension Q for reinforcements.”

  The Ting Wongovia shook his head. “I’m not sure that is a good idea. Though my spy’s reports lead me to think that Smorkus Flinders has reasons for waiting, should you escape I suspect that he will put his plans into motion immediately. The wound between the dimensions would likely be beyond repair before you could find help.”

  Madame Pong remained calm. “Then we can attempt to shrink the monster,” she said.

  “Unlikely,” replied the Ting Wongovia. “He will almost certainly be shielded against it.”

  “Couldn’t we enlarge ourselves instead?” I asked, forgetting that I was supposed to remain silent.

  “Not really a good idea,” said Phil.

  “Why not? You’re always shrinking and enlarging the ship, not to mention everyone in it.”

  “Yes, but all those enlargements really do is return us to our normal size,” replied the plant. “What you are suggesting is that we actually make someone bigger than they are designed to be. That sort of enlarging is a much more complicated prospect than shrinking someone, and somewhat dang
erous. It stretches a being past what is good for it.”

  “I can handle it,” said Tar Gibbons calmly. “If need be, we can enlarge me.”

  “That may be our only option,” said the Ting Wongovia.

  CHAPTER

  18

  Warrior Training

  “WHAT IS THE ENEMY?” ASKED Tar Gibbons.

  “Sloth,” I replied, stretching to the right.

  “What is the enemy?” it repeated.

  “Fear,” I said, stretching to the left.

  The Tar and I were standing on a hill outside the village of the shapeshifters, in the dim light of a very early morning. The little red plants were just beginning to sing. It was two weeks after our meeting with the Ting Wongovia (counting a week as seven periods of waking and sleeping, though I had no idea how long days and nights actually lasted here). After that meeting we had been given our freedom to go wherever we pleased, and this morning my teacher and I had come to the hilltop so that the Tar could drill me in the warrior’s litany.

  The chibling was standing beside me, imitating my movements. It was pretty funny, but after the first week I had trained myself to concentrate on what I was doing and ignore the little creature even when it was being cute.

  “What is the enemy?” asked the Tar for the third time.

  I stood straight and answered as calmly as I could.

  “Anger.”

  My teacher nodded. “Very good. Each of these enemies will keep you from being all that you can be. If you are slothful, you will not keep your body tuned to be a precise fighting machine. This does not mean that you should not rest when appropriate. If you are fearful, you will not think clearly. This does not mean that you should not be wise and cautious. If you let anger rule you, you will not know when to fight and when not to. This does not mean that you should not use righteous anger to fuel your strength.”

  Then it began showing me a new series of stretching exercises. They hurt just a little, but I didn’t mind, because even though it had only been two weeks since we started working, I was already starting to feel the effects.

  In fact, between the stress of our adventure and the workouts and exercises I was doing with Tar Gibbons, I was not only getting stronger, I was actually getting rid of some of my pudge! And it was exciting to be learning how to use my body more effectively. I was sick to death of being known as Rod the Clod.

  “What is the greatest source of strength?” asked the Tar.

  “Joy!” I grunted, lunging forward and kicking sideways.

  “Excellent. When it is time to fight, you must touch the joy that underlies the universe; take it in as if you were breathing it. When you are in joyful harmony with the universe, you will know what you are fighting for. Quick—down and sideways!”

  And so it went. By the time we returned to the house for breakfast, my body was aching and sweat was streaming down my forehead. Yet I felt, to my own surprise, very happy.

  When I mentioned this to the Tar, it said, “Of course you’re happy. You’re doing something real, something that challenges you. How else would you feel?”

  “But it was hard work,” I said.

  The Tar’s eyes got bigger than usual. “Do you associate work with unhappiness?” it asked in astonishment. Then, before I could answer, it said, “Never mind. Sometimes I forget where you come from.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, offended on the planet’s behalf.

  The Tar spread its hands. “Most of your work isn’t real,” it said. “Real work gives joy. False work breeds despair.”

  “Would you explain that please?”

  “No. Think about it. It will be good for you.”

  I sighed. I got that kind of answer from the Tar a lot. Fortunately, it didn’t do anything to dampen my good feelings. I was humming as we went back into the house.

  Still, it was not easy to maintain that feeling all the time. It was only when Tar and I were working that I was able to forget my frustration at the fact that we were not yet moving against Smorkus Flinders.

  I could understand the delay; we had a lot of planning to do if our mission was not to fail. And failure was something that we could not allow ourselves. But every day was an agony of waiting and worrying. If not for the distraction of training, I think I would have gone mad.

  Grakker was pacing the floor when we returned from our practice session. I think he was even more frustrated than I was.

  “The Ting Wongovia is the most annoying being I have ever had to work with!” he shouted when he saw us. “Closemouthed! Arrogant! Bossy!”

  Since this was also a fair description of Grakker, I could see why the two of them would not get along very well.

  Before we could respond, Galuspa burst into the room, his eyes big, his legs stretched to running length. “The Ting Wongovia has just received word from his spy that Smorkus Flinders will soon make his move against Dimension Q. We must leave for the Valley of the Monsters today!”

  That suited all of us just fine, with the exception of Elspeth, who had been assigned to stay behind in the village of the shapeshifters.

  It had not been a pleasant conversation.

  “I won’t stay!” she had said. “If Rod can go, I can go!”

  “Rod is a deputy of the Galactic Patrol,” Madame Pong had explained. “He has no choice. You are a civilian and are to be spared such things.”

  “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me!” Elspeth shouted. “You’re a woman! How will we ever be equal if we don’t stick together?”

  Madame Pong had looked puzzled for a moment. Then she smiled. “That is not an issue where I come from,” she said gently. “In the civilized parts of the galaxy all intelligent beings are given equal rights and opportunities. The way women are treated on your planet is one of the things the rest of us find most puzzling about your world.”

  From the way she had said that, I got the feeling that our treatment of women was also one of the reasons Earth had not yet been invited to join the League of Worlds. I would have asked about it, but Madame Pong had long ago made it clear that our planet’s exclusion from “the civilized galaxy” was something she would not discuss.

  Her answer hadn’t impressed Elspeth. “Are you telling me things are different with you guys?” she had asked. “Look at the Ferkel. You’re the only woman on the crew!”

  That comment had provoked one of the merriest laughs I ever heard from Madame Pong. “Do you actually presume to understand the civilized galaxy based on the crew of one ship?” she had replied incredulously. “We have millions of ships, Elspeth. Some have crews that are all male. Others have crews that are all female. Some have crews that are evenly divided between male and female. Others have crews in which at least sixteen different genders are represented. My dear Elspeth, anyone who assumes to know the whole on the basis of such a small sample will be wrong at least as often as they are right.”

  Elspeth had blinked, uncertain of how to respond to this statement. Finally she had crossed her arms and said, “It’s not fair.”

  “Not much is,” Madame Pong had replied.

  * * *

  We set out as darkness was falling. Somewhat to my surprise, the Ting Wongovia was traveling with us. Since I had not been in on the planning sessions, I hadn’t known that he would be coming, and had pretty much assumed he was going to stay home and be wise or something.

  We were also accompanied by a small army of shapeshifters, led by Galuspa. This was because to reach the castle where Smorkus Flinders lived, we were going to have to travel through monster territory and protection might be necessary. One cool thing about the shapeshifters was that they could work together; if we saw a monster coming early enough, they could do something like turn themselves into a small hill, with those of us who were unable to alter our shapes tucked safely inside. The idea was not to fight, but to get to the castle without anyone realizing that we were on our way.

  * * *

  Because the shapeshifters kn
ew the best combination of transporter ovals to get us there quickly, the trip back to Smorkus Flinders’s castle was shorter than I had expected.

  “Not that we’re traveling in a straight line,” explained the Ting Wongovia, as we paused before one of the ovals. “This oval, for example, is going to take us to the far side of the planet. But it lets us off only a half day’s walk from another oval that will drop us within a few feet of the Valley of the Monsters.”

  I swallowed hard. When I had thought that we were going to spend days getting back to the castle, it had seemed like we were starting out on a glorious adventure, with a long stretch before the real danger started. As it turned out, the danger would be close at hand almost immediately.

  * * *

  The section of the planet set aside for victims of Reality Quakes was not very pleasant. The ground in Monster Valley was rough and rocky, and a layer of kispa-dinka floated everywhere. The good thing about this was that it made it easier than I expected to hide from the monsters, since many of them were so tall that their heads were above the bottom level of the kispa-dinka. However, unlike Smorkus Flinders, who was so tall that his head reached well above the stuff many of the smaller monsters—those between three and eight times my height—were forced to walk around with their heads right in it. I figured this was not apt to make them good-natured.

  Shortly after we entered the valley, we heard a commotion behind us. I turned around. To my dismay I saw Elspeth running toward us, shouting, “Wait for me! Wait for me!”

  Two of the shapeshifters darted toward her, clapping their hands over her mouth as soon as they caught her.

  “What are you doing here?” I hissed as they carried her into the center of our group.

  She couldn’t answer, of course, since the shapeshifters still had her mouth covered. When she finally stopped struggling, the Ting Wongovia motioned for them to let her speak.

  “I followed you,” she said. “And it wasn’t easy. But you know your mother said you were supposed to keep an eye on me, Rod. You had no business going off and leaving me!”